Friendship (Philia)

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” — Albert Camus

Friendship Like Love is still something I'm trying to figure out. What is a Friend? How can I be a Friend? Growing up asking these questions, I can’t really say I had a ton of close friends, I knew a lot of people but never really consider very many of them, my close friends. Friendship has always meant a lot more to me than just someone you hang out with. I think it's deeper than just someone you see every day.

Aristotle talked about 3 different types of friendship one can have, Let's take a look at those. 

1 .The first is friendship based on utility, where both people derive some benefit from each other. Aristotle describes a friendship of utility as shallow, “easily dissolved” or for the old. He views them as such because this type of friendship is easily broken and based on something that is brought to the relationship by the other person. So let's say you are friends with the kid who sits next to you in class because he takes really good notes but you are good at studying, you borrow his note and in return, you help him study. 

2. The second is friendship based on pleasure, where both people are drawn to the other’s wit, good looks, or other pleasant qualities. Aristotle says that friendship of pleasure is normally built between the young as passions and pleasures are great influences in their lives. This type of relationship is characterized by such feelings as the passion between lovers, or the feeling of belonging to a like-minded group of friends. It differs from the friendship of utility in that those who seek utility friendships are looking for a business deal or a long term benefit, whereas the friendship of pleasure Aristotle describes is where one seeks something which is pleasant to them presently. So maybe the guys who are on your sports team. 

Now those first two don't last very long because they are based on WHAT YOU WANT/ WHAT YOU CAN GET.  The “wants” and “gets” the change over time. 

3. The third is friendship based on goodness, where both people admire the other’s goodness and help one another strive for goodness. Friendships of the good are ones where both friends enjoy each other’s characters. Aristotle calls it a “…complete sort of friendship between people who are good and alike in virtue…” This is the highest level of Philia,(φιλία), often translated “brotherly love”, and one of the highest forms of Love in Aristotle´s “Nichomachean Ethics”.

    

People who find friendships bead on “Goodness” have to value Loving over being Loved. this type of Friendship is about loving each other no matter what. one has to give all they can give in this type of friendship. 

I try to make all my “Friendships” have some “goodness” in them. altho I know some of them will end when I leave my school, or job I try to help everyone in my life get to heaven.

The goal is Heaven. That is what matters, before money, success, fame. Heaven has to be what we are aiming for.

Having good, true, authentic friends will help us with that goal. Something I( and you should)  do, is every now and then is take a good look at my "friends"  If they aren't helping to build my relationship with God, and not helping me achieve that goal then It is time for me to maybe step back, or hang out with them a little less. "If you aren't moving closer to God, then you are moving away". Now I don't think I should cut them out altogether, but if a relationship is not helping me it is hurting me, and it needs to change. 

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds; For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself." (Sirach 6: 5-17) 

If you haven't read all of Sirach; 6 go do it. Good, true friends are hard to find. Besides my family, I’d I can say I've had maybe five my whole life. If you find this, if you find a friend who trying to help you become the best you that you can be, someone that is willing to and does call you out when you are bing stupid, someone, that is helping you get to the goal of heaven, someone that is willing to give up what they have for you, and love you no matter what you do. You have found something truly great! Do not let it go! You might not ever find that again. Ask yourself if you are being a true friend to them. If not, start, and never stop, pray, ask God to help you become a true friend. Tell your friends that you appreciate them, tell them you love them, tell them to thank you. 

The perfect example of a true friend is clearly Jesus. Just think what he has done for you, just you! he would have done it even if you were the only person on earth!  He died for you and dies for you every day. He gave his body to you, and gives his book for you every day! He Loves you no matter what you do, no matter how much you hurt him, no matter how much you reject him, no matter how many times you don't stand up for him, no matter how many times you bail on him. He Loves you so much, human words can not fully explain it. Ask Jesus to help you become as good of a friend as he is. 

So, take a look at all of your friends. Which ones are just based on utility or pleasure? And which ones are based Goodness? (If a friendship is based on goodness, it will incorporate the other two) Make the ones that aren't based on goodness, have some goodness in them. Learn the friends that are good, true, and authentic.The friends that would give you anything to help you. the friends that love(Philia) you no matter what, No matter how many times you let them down.  Start appreciating them. Start praying for all of your friends, and that you can become a true friend. Make them count, you might not find that again. Have friends that are going to help you get to heaven.  Above all else make Jesus your best friend. 

Those are a few of my thoughts. 

Thank you. 

Go with God.