Where The Will is Broken

“Pain is just the place where the will is broken.”

These are lyrics to another NeedToBreathe song called “Keep Your Eyes Open.” I think his song is ultimately about suicide and choosing not to, but I thought about these lyrics a lot when I was in Poland this summer at the concentration camp in Auschwitz. 

As I was walking around the concentration camp, nothing really hit me. I read all the signs, I looked at all the pictures. I have seen or heard most of what was around me before. It was nothing new. Nothing really hit me till I looked down at my feet. As I was walking, I just kept looking down at the ground, watching as I made each step. As I walked I thought, I am walking here coming from a nice hotel with a hot shower knowing what is going happen to me the next few day, knowing where my next meal was coming from, having the ability to contact my family at any moment I wanted to. I realized that the people who put their feet in the same place I was stepping, lay their heads in the same place where I slept didn't know if they were going to live the next minutes, let alone days. They probably hadn't eaten or even bathed in weeks. They didn’t know if their families were alive or dead. And they probably knew they were not ever going to talk to them again. 

One of these prisoners was St. Maximilian Kolbe. He was a Catholic priest and a truly inspiring person. During the Nazi persecutions, Maximum Kolbe opens his monastery for the sick. Kolbe also used his monastery to hide 2,000 Jews from German persecution. On February 17, 1941, the monastery was shut down; Kolbe was arrested by the German Gestapo and taken to the Pawiak prison. Three months later, he was transferred to Auschwitz. Never abandoning his priesthood, Kolbe was the victim of severe violence and harassment. Toward the end of his second month in Auschwitz, men were chosen to face death by starvation to warn against escapes. Kolbe was not chosen but volunteered to take the place of a man with a family, telling them that he was a Catholic Priest. It is said during the last days of his life Kolbe led prayers to Our Lady with the prisoners and remained calm. He was the last of the group to remain alive after two weeks of dehydration and starvation. The guards gave him a lethal injection of carbolic acid. The stories tell that he raised his left arm and calmly awaited death. Recognized as the Servant of God, Kolbe was beatified as a "Confessor of the Faith" on October 17, 1971, by Pope Paul VI and canonized by Pope John Paul II on October 10, 1982. Pope John Paul II declared Kolbe, not a confessor, but a martyr. It is also said that even in his last moments Kolbe was beyond joyful. 

 Kolbe had so many reasons to not be joyful. Yet, even in his last second, he was! His will was never broken. He chose to be joyful and to offer it all up to the Lord. Kolbe knew what was awaiting him, but he was so filled with the love of Christ, how could he be sad.

“Pain is just the place where the will is broken.”

Recently, I was talking to some friends and one of them was telling us how he is sad a lot of the time, which I get. I have days where it is harder than others. I know for some people who might have a disorder it can seem impossible to choose to be joyful. It would seem that sometimes the pain is just too great to deal with. I often have to really try and sometimes I fail. Why do I let my will be broken? Especially when I have so many things I should be joyful about – I have the ability to go to mass every day, I can eat whenever I need. 

St. Maximilian  Kolbe choose to stay joyful because that is what he wanted, that is what his will was. Don't let your will be broken. When it gets hard just thank God for your struggles, and ask Him to unite your will with His. You have to try. The devil uses despair to lead us away from the Lord. The catechism of Catholic Church says this about despair: "By despair, man ceases to hope for his personal salvation from God, for help in attaining it or for the forgiveness of his sins. Despair is contrary to God's goodness, to his justice -- for the Lord is faithful to his promises -- and to his mercy” (CCC 2091). We should not despair because we have the church. 

I have found four things that seem to help me to not let my will be broken. One, stop thinking it. To do this you have to stop talking about it. It is good to talk about it a little, but you can’t obsess over it. Talk to someone and then try and stop thinking about it. 

Two, because it would seem almost impossible to stop thinking about it, pray and ask the lord to help you. Pray to your guardian angel. aAsk them to guide your thoughts. 

Three, because it is impossible to do these things without God’s grace, frequent the sacraments. Go to mass. Go to confession. Getting God’s grace is the best and will help you way more than just talking about it all the time. 

Fourth, offer it all up to God in prayer. Then, trust he will help you. 

Sometimes it may seem impossible, but it is not. Do these and you'll have a better time keeping your will from being broken.

I will end with a quote from St. Maximilian Kolbe: “No one in the world can change Truth. What we can do and should do is to seek truth and to serve it when we have found it. The real conflict is the inner conflict. Beyond armies of occupation and the hecatombs of extermination camps, there are two irreconcilable enemies in the depth of every soul: good and evil, sin and love. And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we are ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?”  

Choose the good. Choose the love. 

Just my Thoughts

 Go With God